Can't play, Won't play

So the Can't play, Won't play World Cup XI is made up of:

Andrea Pirlo

Arjen Robben

David Beckham
*David James
Didier Drogba
John Obi Mikel
José Bosingwa
Lassana Diarra
Michael Ballack
Michael Essien
Nani - was it worth it?

I would opt for a 4-5-1 formation, but given there's no recognised striker, it hard to see how this hypothetical team would progress - it has just occurred to me that Didier the Diver Drogba is a striker when he's in the mood to be.

*David James is carrying a knee injury, but because of his erudition and articulation, the senior England players have lobbied for him to start Saturday's opener against the USofA

Ersatz imitations are NOT WELCOME

To the Ivorian Duck, there is only one Zinedine Zidane and you are not fit to lace his boots. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, not in your case!! At least Zinedine Zidane had the decency to show off his full repertoire of skills before his exit, what did you do apart from hit the deck with an ease and frequency that is alarming considering your size.

You are a disgrace to the integrity of the other African professional footballers in the EPL and the sooner you clear off the better!! Then you have the temerity to wonder about this - it's known as your reputation preceding you.

You are a diver and not a very good one either.

The Ivorian Duck

As a swan conjures up visions of grace, serenity and majesty, I would be loathe to use it in the same sentence as Didier Drogba. For a guy with his talent, it's a crying shame to see him resort to such dark arts. Admittedly, he can play when he feels so inclined, but why oh why does he have to pull moves on the park that should only really be done in the swimming pool. Just before the Chelski supporters sharpen the knives, I am not referring to yesterday's match against Liverpool where he was voted man-of-the-match. He even admitted he dives only for Chelski's PR machine to get him to backtrack.

Granted, the greatest footballer to play the game aka Diego Armando Maradona was a master proponent of the dark arts too, but he's genius and we can always cut genius some slack.