Maradona, Zidane - I THINK NOT!!

Luis Suárez has evoked the "Hand of God" and Sebastian Abreu has compared his chipped penalty that "won" the match for La Celeste with that of Zidane's in the 2006 World Cup final in Germany. Firstly, Luis Suárez, you have just gone to no 1 in the World Cup 2010 Hall of Shame, secondly until you single-handedly win a World Cup then you have no right to compare yourself to Maradona - your actions if anything prove the absence of God. However, as Daniele de Rossi, Luis Fabiano have found, cheating does not pay in this World Cup so you have just ensured that La Celeste will be summarily dispatched by the Oranje on Tuesday.

As for Sebastian Abreu, please come down from the clouds because until you orchestrate your team's progress to the final à la Zidane in 2006, win World Player of the year 3 times, score the winning goal in the Champion's League final with a volley that showcases your superb technique, score 2 goals in a World Cup final and inspire your team to win a continental championships, you really have no right to compare yourself to Zizou.

See you in 4 years time

Your tournament has come to an end a lot quicker than you perhaps thought it would and I hope after some reflection you won't be too disappointed. You were at the heart of a lot of good play and you created chances for your team mates - I find it quite hard to comprehend how you didn't manage to score. I look forward to seeing you complete the set of footballing accolades in Brazil 2014.

Never has SO much been done with SO little

According to this, La Albiçeleste had most of the possession, more shots on goal and more corners, yet they were on the wrong end of a rout - football is indeed baffling.

Pyrrhic victory

By any means necessary, win at all costs - the so called beautiful game or jogo bonito became jogo feio after a premeditated decision deprived the boy wonder of what should have been his 1st World Cup goal. Moral bankruptcy was on display tonight and as the events of earlier on have shown, cheating does not pay in this most historic of World Cups.

Getting their excuses in early

If you are facing a competitor who has beaten you 8 out of 13 times, do you:

1. complain about the opposition being poor losers thus giving said opposition extra motivation?
2. focus on your game and do your talking on the pitch?

In the run up to the women's 400m Olympic final in Beijing, the fastest runner in the world's preparation consisted of focusing on one of her competitors - needless to say, she did not win the Olympic gold as was expected.

La Albiçeleste, de Mannschaft are running scared.

Come down from the clouds

Dear FIFA

Even though you have more members than the UN (205 vs 192), at the end of the day you administrate a game which at it's most basic is 20 players chasing after a pig's bladder (the goalkeepers are for the most part spectators) that they kick away. So I don't know what gives FIFA the right to dictate to sovereign countries how they should run their respective football associations/federations. FIFA is not the byword for good governance and it is to all intents and purposes a cabal. If FIFA imposes sanctions against either France or Nigeria, then FIFA will have an insurrection on its hands.

World Cup 2010 allegiance

, just in case there was any doubt!!

Vamos La Albiçeleste!!

World Cup 2010 Hall of Shame

Despite this entreaty, old habits die hard so I feel compelled to name and shame.

1. Luis Suárez - Public Enemy No 1
2. Rafik Saïfi (there's a reason you're languishing in Ligue 2!!) - I don't think any other player will stoop this low. It's an outrage and FIFA, the Algerian FA and the South African police should throw the book at this guy - sticks and stones will break your bones, words will never hurt - obviously Asma Halimi's pen is mightier than Rafik Saïfi's sword and she's got a mean jab too
3. Daniele de Rossi - the aristocracy were being well and truly shepherded, something had to give - his flippin' legs!!
4. Luis Fabiano - you don't need to tell us!! We saw it on our tv screens, why didn't you vehemently protest to the ref that you had use illegal means to control Jabulani?!
5. Patrice Evra - tais-toi!!
6. England - for flattering to deceive and for being a Hapless, Abject and Clueless (HAC) collective!!

More fool you!!

The prevailing misconception among the media (listen here) is that Diego Maradona can't really be coaching La Albiçeleste - this is doing a great disservice to the great man!! After all, how is it possible to have played the game the way he played without having a fundamental understanding of what football is about?!

Maradona's genius lay in his ability to elevate his teammates, at Argentina and Napoli, to his level for the time it took to convert a typically astute pass to a goal. Though his talent is innate, he was a very industrious player - he was the first one to training and the last one to leave. Now as manager, he conveys his reading of the game to his players, La Albiçeleste play in his image and on the pitch, Maradona's genius is equalled by Messi.

4 down, 3 to go

So even if Messi doesn't play, La Albiçeleste are still formidable. Let's be perfectly honest, Messi is yet to fully ignite, despite his armful of MoM awards. The inevitable is bound to happen and methinks de mannschaft will be on the end of a virtuoso Messi display as he continues to mirror Maradona.

They can't play in red either!!

So much for the flippin' shirt change. The Three Lion Kings have been forensically julienned by De Mannschaft with Teutonic efficiency - As for the disallowed goal, it's called karma. Theo, you should be pleased you were not party to such shambles.

To James, Terry, Upson, Johnson, A Cole, Lampard, Barry, Milner, Gerrard, Rooney, Defoe - you have been found badly wanting. 

The Holy Trinity

If you're expecting a biblical reference, then you've come to the wrong place.

La Albiçeleste have the best player in the world in the shape of Messi, the most inspiring manager in Maradona and now they have the master tactitian in Mourinho. This unlikely alliance (one likes to play football, the other likes to stop football being played) displays Maradona's willingness to do whatever is necessary to ensure he fulfils his promise to streak in Buenos Aires should his team hoist the Jules Rimet trophy on 11th July.

Hunger trumps mental strength

The thing about mental strength is that it can go AWOL when one is tired - hunger on the other hand is  relentless in its persistence.

Well done to the Black Stars, Uruguay await and Africa will once again expect - 1 billion vs 2.5 million are extremely favorable odds.

Not quite total

While the Oranje topped Group E, they are yet to play the total football for which they are so renowned. That can only be a good thing as in Euro 2008, they total footballed Italy only to surrender meekly to Russia in the following game.

I fancy the Oranje against Slovakia because their injury prone talisman will be back and as he proved with his cameo against Cameroon, he gives them another dimension.

Sticking to their principles

Spain sent a clear message to the rest of the teams that they believe in their own ability and will not compromise their style of football a la Mourinho - thank goodness for small mercies.

Vamos Espagña!!

A continent vs a country

1 billion Africans vs 300 million Americans

Black Stars vs Stars n Stripes

Hunger vs Mental Strength

Prediction - hunger to win.

Azzuri, arrivederci!!

Justice has been served - let this be a lesson to Daniele de Rossi. Cheating doesn't pay, especially not in this World Cup.

They don't know when to quit

The mental strength of the USA allows them to compete against more technically accomplished teams - their next opponents should bear this in mind.

I did say it was the shirt!!

They say clothes maketh the man, well it's certainly true of the men in red as opposed to their doppelgängers in white.

Black Stars, Africa expects

Dear Black Stars

As you know, Ghana was the first African country to shake off the yoke of colonialism when she gained independence in 1957. Kwame Nkrumah espoused pan-Africanism so I'm sure that 1 billion Africans will be rooting for you tonight. 1 billion vs 80 million is no contest - Africa expects, failure is not an option.

**Black Stars successfully fail and will meet the USA in the second round**