Can you miss what you never had?

You gave me additional consonant in my surname
and then there's the indelible memory that just won't fade.
There were the Maths and French books that I put to good use
and I'm told you taught me to read so thankyou.

But as you were not around to protect me,
I regard you somewhat ambivalently.
That was pretty apparent when you died,
at your funeral, I read a paper to help time pass by.

I wonder what I'll say to you when we meet face-to-face,
I still remember to keep my cards close to my chest.